Right from the beginning Daddy and I agreed that we wanted to be surprised and not find out the sex of the baby. Lately though have been having second thoughts about this.
I don't know why I have been having second thoughts because it really doesn't matter to me if the baby is a boy or a girl. I hope to raise a baby in as much of a gender neutral space as possible so there will be no blue for boys or pink for girls thing but I still want to know. I'm surprised by how much this matters to me and I feel bad that I want to know so bad. I don't think it would have mattered to me if we just had called the baby, "baby" or by some gender neutral name from the start. But we gendered him right from the beginning because we knew this little being had to be O.
When I'm rubbing my belly or saying hi to him in the morning or feeling what I think is him kicking I see him as O. I see this little male face and this little male being and that's all I can think about. I don't see an Isabella. I feel like if Isabella is born I will be looking for my O which is crazy but I would be so happy to have Isa.
Daddy still doesn't want to find out, he wants to be surprised. We were shopping for baby clothes for a friend of mine at Salvation Army last week and a pregnant couple asked us if we knew what we were having. We said we didn't and weren't going to find out. The mommie of the couple hadn't found out but the daddy did and was keeping it a secret. I don't think that would work out for Daddy and I. I would have to tell him if I found out. We have to make this decision before the 5 month ultrasound on December 27th. I hope I know by then what I want. What's weird is that I was very sure of my decision to not get any genetic testing and feel very comfortable with that decision. This decision shouldn't be more difficult. Too many choices for this mommie to make.
Love you O or Isa!
-Mommie
